I swore I'd never blog.

I swore I'd never blog, but here I am.

Hi! I'm Melissa. I have five kids 8 and under.  Allegedly some people find my life interesting & entertaining. Not sure I agree, but hey, whatever works.

There's this blogger that I just LOOOOOVE (pfffft) who referred to her kids as McDonald's menu items, once upon a time before the Trustee sent her to bloggy Valhalla. As I worked at Wendy's as a teen, I feel compelled to be super-twee and cutesy just like her with speshul blog names. I might even make some rainbow pancakes. Ahem. Anyway, my kids are as follows:

Biggie Fry is my 8 year old. She's in gifted & talented classes at her brick & mortar education facility. She is a little nerd and loves internet memes, Nyan Cat, and World of Warcraft. Despite being a nerdling who wears shirts that say "ERMAHGERD A ERNEHCERN" on them to school, she somehow manages to also be incredibly popular. Go figure, why couldn't I pull that off as a kid? She's mature beyond her years, a great big sister and a big help to me, even if she is sassy and mouthy and sarcastic. She gets it from her mama.

Jr. Bacon is my first 6 year old. Yes, I have two! She's the oldest twin. She is the sweetest, quietest little stringbean ever and your typical girly girl. She loves pink, princesses, ponies, unicorns, makeup, tutus, dresses... all things girly. She's shy and sensitive, but holds her own in our otherwise rambunctious mess of kids and can scream and cry louder than anyone else I know (and does so whenever she feels slighted.) She reminds me of me as a kid - dreamy and in her own world. She's in kindergarten and loves to draw.

Double Stack is 6 year old number two, and he's a handful! He was a miserable infant, an incorrigible toddler, but has thankfully grown into an awesome, sweet kid. He has a preliminary ADHD/anxiety diagnosis that we're working on finalizing to receive school services. He is sensitive, emotional and fiercely protective of his siblings, especially his twin sister. He is a total mama's boy and needs lots of snuggling, which I am happy to provide. He's our only boy. He's also a super-advanced reader and great student with only minor behavioral issues in school thanks to his fantastic teacher!

Spicy Nugget is my 2 year old, so named because of her very redheaded personality. Girl is a spitfire. She loves My Little Pony, Yo Gabba Gabba and all of her siblings - she will spend hours asking me over and over when "my guys" (the big kids) will be home from school. She  was slightly delayed in her physical milestones, but compensates by being a little smart-mouthed genius. She is the comedic relief in this family, a chubby little ginger sass monster!

Jr. Frosty is our baby girl, born in November '12. She has been through more in her short little life than most people can comprehend. My uterus ruptured at 37 weeks, and she was born with no heartbeat and spent a week in the NICU getting her lungs in shape after the trauma. At 8 weeks, we felt something was wrong and confirmed shortly after that she was functionally blind and could only see bright lights. By some grace of the universe (no prayers, gift cards or names written in sand involved) at three months of age almost to the day, she suddenly was able to see. Sounds freaky, right? - she had a condition called Delayed Visual Maturation, and it usually really is just like one day, a light switch gets flicked on! From then, she overcame what her doctors termed a "global developmental delay," caught up and then some, and turned from a miserable, non-interactive baby into the chubbiest, happiest girl you'll ever meet. Seriously, her grin just lights up a room. This past week at her 4 month well visit we were told that she may have a skull condition called craniosynostosis and her height is falling off the charts. As sad as I am that she's been through so much and there's still more to go, I have full faith in her to overcome whatever is thrown her way - she's a little warrior!

I'm engaged to one of the best human beings I have ever met, who I will refer to here as The Leprechaun. He's full-blown Irish and 6'4 with a big red beard... it fits! We've been through a lot, including severe chronic illness on his part I met him on OKCupid in 2009, as a single mom to my three big kids. He accepted them unconditionally into his heart and is the best second daddy that I can imagine to them.

About me - I'm in my late 20's. I have worked in the past as an admin professional. Right now, I'm a SAHM while I deal with some health issues and parent my two littlest. I went back to work when Spicy Nug was two weeks old, and it sucked, so I'm trying to enjoy every second... even if I go stir crazy sometimes. I'm also trying to figure out what I want to do next, since I hate the field I was in before with the fiery passion of a thousand hells. I am EXTREMELY passionate about LGBTQ issues, trans* issues, and marriage being a fundamental right. When I'm not parenting, I like wine, hate-reading a handful of blogs, more wine, taking pictures with my Big Girl Camera, knitting, crocheting, spinning, dyeing yarn, cooking all the things, gardening, and graphic design. I'm a homebody and prefer to get my inner alcoholic on at home in my pajamas, thanks. I have generalized anxiety disorder and am also going through the diagnosis process right now for whatever autoimmune disorder is plaguing me. Dislikes include listening to 13 year old boys screaming curses at each other while The Leprechaun plays Call of Duty, the fact that there is always pee on the floor around my toilet despite the fact that there are only two males in this damn house, and lying liars who lie.

We have a half-blind Lab/Pittie mix who was hit by a car at 12 weeks old. He is dumb as a bag of potatoes, but awesome. Additionally, we have two asshole cats who fight constantly and are regularly threatened with being sold to the Chinese restaurant (not that I'd do that, the kids love them and they are tolerable when they are not in the same room as each other, but damn. My house sounds like Cartman's house when they had the cat orgy. MRRROOOOOooooRRRRrrroooOOWWWWW *hiss*)

I have lived a wack-ass life so far, but we spend a lot of time laughing, and I think that's what it's all about!